There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
