your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
