my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sext me about skeletons
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
