If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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