end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
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You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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