I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
