This is not my ceiling
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
