I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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