Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
