i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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