her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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