after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
