grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
