turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
