I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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