So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
