I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
