I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
