The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
