someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
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drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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