why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
