put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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