Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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