I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
