she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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