Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
