I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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