I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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