Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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