Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
