why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
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Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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