What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
