Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
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Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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