I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
