I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
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We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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