i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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