I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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