She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick