TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
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Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.