i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.