Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
