And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
