how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
