He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
