I want to make a zoo with you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
