So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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