I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
