woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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