two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
