Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
