Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
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DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
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Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.