I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk