Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.