new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
