quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
