Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
