Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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