if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
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Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
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I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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