Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
