I can text with my tongue
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
