I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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