Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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