Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't turn off my feet"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize