Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
jump out the window naked night went bad
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
