Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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