So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
where are my eyebrows?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
