vagina is talking i cant
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
