i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
