in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
