i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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