anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
