I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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